Definition Check: Self-Care
- Corey Kuhn, Ph.D.
- Jul 24, 2024
- 3 min read
Maybe it’s my algorithm, but I’ve been seeing a lot of social media content lately talking about what self-care is not. Messages like “a shower is not self-care, but a basic necessity.” On some level I agree, and I think it is meant as a supportive message (like, you need more than a shower to practice self-care), but I wonder if it misses the mark a bit. The reality is: sometimes a shower is definitely self-care.
The term self-care originated in the medical field as a form of treatment for physical and mental illness. In the 1960’s, civil rights leaders recognized self-care as a political act and a necessary action to compensate for healthcare disparities in marginalized communities. Self-care was not a luxury, but a tool for self-empowerment and survival.
My main hang-up with popular beliefs around self-care now is this idea that self-care is about being self-serving or indulgent. The definition of self-care as a radical act has been hijacked. Self-care, real self-care, is not about being selfish, it is about taking care of yourself (I know… quite the idea, right?).
Self-care is less about indulgence and more about accountability. What do you need to feel better in this moment and what do you have time/resources/access to to make it happen. It could be an indulgent bubble bath with candles and scented oils. Or, it could be a moment of mindfulness in a quick shower at the start of the day.
Here’s something to try. Think about what you would do if you had a friend who is burning themselves out by neglecting self-care. What would you recommend to them? Would you suggest that scrolling instagram or TikTok for an hour will make them feel better? Probably not.
Think harder. Be creative. Hold yourself to a higher standard.
Things that could be part of your self-care routine:
Drinking more water
Sitting to have your morning coffee/tea/breakfast and taking time to feel centered
Journaling
Developing healthier sleep hygiene habits
Combatting the urge to be constantly productive by listening to music on your commute instead of your usual podcast
Putting boundaries around when you will respond to emails or text messages
Meditation
Exercise
Rest
Connecting with loved ones
Eating balanced meals
Some of these might seem contradictory, but the reality is our needs are constantly changing. The same thing might not work every time you need to reset. The goal is to figure out what you need to find balance.
It can be helpful to build yourself a self-care first aid kit or toolbox filled with items or ideas for when you are feeling too overstimulated and default to your phone or other less effective methods of self-soothing. Aim for engaging your senses. This could include candles or lotions with a pleasing scent, maybe a favorite blanket or snack. Despite the name, self-care also does not have to be (and should not always be) something that you do in isolation. Recruit friends to build a toolbox with you, or swap items that help you feel grounded. Make time to prioritize or create community.
Certain practices could be things you implement every day or things you sprinkle in on occasion. Like I said, it is being mindful: asking yourself the question, “what do I actually need right now.” Remember: it is also not a shirking of your responsibilities. If actually sending that email is going to alleviate your stress, avoiding it in the name of “boundaries” is not going to do anything for the practice of self-care.
Self-care is not a one-size fits all, or even one-size fits you. Your needs are dynamic. The goal is to practice self-awareness and to be accountable to your physical, psychological, and emotional needs. Never forget that you are a human being, not a human doing.
Take care.
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